Happy 1 year anniversary to me!
Oh, and to Ryan. ;)
I cannot believe that it has been a year. I would love to say that it was the best year of my life. It wasn't- not traditionally, at least. Although, I went through more in that year then I have ever been through in my life's years combined. And I survived. WE survived. Came through the other side with a bond, a strong bond.
You know, the other day I read through the first chapter of the book I started to write when times were at their worst. Seemed like someone else's story. Could not have been me. I know I mentioned in one of my blogs how weak I thought I was. Honestly, I start to see what some people mean when they tell me the opposite. I am still not ready to call MYSELF strong, but I am understanding better where they are coming from. This next year will be Ryan's test of strength I think. Staying sober, living for tomorrow while somehow trying to make up for a lot of yesterdays. Maybe if I knew and understood better what forgiveness really looks like, it might relieve some of the pressure on him. The mean streak I have says this SHOULDN'T be easy on him, it wasn't easy on me. But the rest of me that loves him so unconditionally hates to see him struggle.
Marriage. A bond, yes. A choice, definitely. What that DAILY choice means to me?A partnership, someone to take on the world with. Someone that's always in your corner. That doesn't necessarily mean always on your side; we will disagree. However, in my corner means even when I am wrong, he will be there for me. And I need to be there for him. I need to work on my resentments, LIVE forgiveness. LIVE the ultimate example of selfless love.
We are going to Las Vegas for our 1 year anniversary. You know, the place that embodies monogamy. Ha! Nice. No. We will be poolside, relaxing, gambling, and meeting up with friends.
Happy Anniversary baby, here's to not just "many more" but to the rest of our years.
