I sure wish life was easier... - I know everyone wishes that. I have been very lonely without Ryan. That's very hard to admit openly. I miss how we used to laugh so much together. I miss laying down with him at night. I miss starting and ending my days next to him. I don't miss his drama that became my drama. I don't miss the fear and anger. I have to remind myself that it all comes together. One package. I don't miss the hurt. But what sucks is, I live a life of fear, hurt and anger even without him. I have to find a way to let go... I feel like I have tried everything. I guess it just takes time. This month marks a year I have been without him, next month is our wedding anniversary. Awesome. They are just days, same as the rest of them. They'll come and go. I can either move forward as they pass or sit in my misery and watch life pass me by. I could say the obvious that I need to move forward, but to be completely honest, right now I am sitting in it. Not quite sure what to do next, kinda hoping I start to get up and dust myself off. I feel like I should be further in life by now. What have I done with my life that I can be proud of if it all ended today?
I gotta change some things.
<3
