A week later...

There are many things that have happened in a week. I won't get into dramatic details. What is important is what I have learned. I learned that a disagreement isn't worth losing a relationship over. I learned that my life can be as peaceful as I make it. If I lose myself in the drama (that I didn't create) then I lose. If I can take that drama, pray for everyone involved, and for my own peace, then and only then can I keep peace.

There are so many changes in my life right now that it would be very easy to get lost. Instead, I choose to reinvent myself. I feel like I am a new purse- I can put everything I liked from the last purse in the new one, then add new shiny things to it too! (By the way, that is my favorite part of buying a new purse.)

On top of everything else, my car's CD player decided to go to heaven. And anyone who has been through a break-up knows that being at the mercy of the radio is dangerous. So I was able to run into Best Buy and use some of the points I have racked up there to get a new stereo. That has been a life saver in the middle of all this crap.

I also went to a salon and cut my hair, dyed it black and added blue highlights. I know. Most people try to limit these types of changes when the more emotional changes are happening. I prefer to do it all at once. And make positive changes that I can control, somehow it minimizes the larger ones I have no control over.

...and I am still smoke free. I don't weigh myself (I let the doctors) so I don't know yet how much more I have lost. I know I haven't been able to be as active because I have super hurt my back somehow. But there is my whining. Tomorrow morning Tawni and I are going to go to the gym and start our water aerobics class. I am excited and nervous.

Today also marks the first contact with me that any of Ryan's immediate family has attempted. Apparently when I emailed them, it was miscommunicated that I didn't want contact. That couldn't be further from my reality. Ryan's sister texted me - trying to help Ryan and I get back together. Now I totally get that this is her being a big sister and trying hard to get her little brother what he wants... However, there are SO many steps that need to be taken before there is hope for Ryan and I to get back together. Obviously he would need a substantial amount of clean time, first and foremost. And then there are more steps to take after that. And if those steps are taken, then we start over. Fresh. New. Pure. So my point is it will be a while. But I don't plan on writing him off, or putting my life on hold either. He can always contact me. The fact that we are signing divorce papers tomorrow doesn't mean I have written him out of my life. I will always love him and I will always care about his well-being no matter where life takes either of us.

So that's out. Sorry if that was mildly "rant-ish".

PS: I am proud of myself for blogging again the following week, let's hope I can continue it!

Love you.

Anna