First time... Again...

So a friend suggested blogging... Don't know if that was for my own benefit or hers. I tend to have a lot to say. About everything. Always. Staying quiet has never been a strength I could lay claim to.
But what to start with? I could do an attention grabber... Like...
My husband is currently in a drug rehabilitation facility.
Yeah, i usually get that reaction. I gotta say, it's kind of freeing to inform you of that via blog. Then I don't have to SEE your reaction. Nice people are sympathetic, judgemental people do this weird nodding thing. And I have yet to decide which one feels crappier.
Lately I have had the urge to really just spill shocking details. Just to play with people. Some people just don't get that we all have demons, and someone who is big enough to go to rehab for theirs is further along in life than 99% of the rest of us. Or maybe they get that everyone ELSE does- but definitely NOT them. People are funny. Here's another attention grabber...
WE ALL SUCK. We All Screw Up. DAILY.
It's called the human condition. But back to my husband, Ryan.
Because of drugs, I will have lived apart from my husband more in this year, our first year of marriage, more than I have lived with him. Sad huh? Newlyweds? Poor me? Nah. I am so proud of that guy. Never been more in love with someone in my life.
It has shocked me lately to see how stereotyped drug use is. And the funny thing is, it's almost always a different idea of what "addict" means. In Ryan's case, he found an option to press a "screw it" button and not deal with life. Guaranteed anyone who had said button would ALSO push it. It's just a matter of whether or not that particular button was an option for you. For me it isn't. For Ryan, it's a very appealing button. And with the year we had, I was looking for my own personal "screw it" button.

A good friend died of the big "C" word.
Chainsaw accidents.
My husband's Grandfather, his hero, died.
We got married.
We moved.
Motorcycle accidents.
One sister has a double mastectomy, the other a similar procedure.
Friends, mentors relapsed.
We changed jobs.
I got pregnant.
I stopped being pregnant.

Yeah, and I am pretty sure there is more, I just have blocked it.
I went to the doctor and started on anti-anxiety medicine. Ryan did the same thing- minus the doctor's visit.
My first 30 days without Ryan have been the hardest, probably because in that time I am not allowed any kind of contact. This is the longest I have gone without seeing him or hearing him since the day I met him. I have spent the time working more days, always ready to cover ANY shifts. I also rearranged our entire house. I want the newest freshest start I can have with Ryan when he is finished. I will not officially live with my husband for close to 9 months.
None of this information spilling is an attempt at acquiring sympathy. This is me processing, and filling you in at the same time. I am not looking for your sympathy, nor am I looking for your judgement.

I love Ryan so much. And I know he loves me. He gets me. He knows what I need when I need it and honestly does his best to be exactly that. Sometimes he takes on too much, as we all do.

Anyway, I am sure I will end up having enough to blog about from day to day.
;0)