Me, Crazy?

Today I pick Ryan up around 3:30. I think I get to have him until Saturday evening. Yesterday we fought and I cried harder than I have in a long time. Pretty sure it was just built up tears that I was clearing out, making room for new ones to form their reserves. But I realized a lot, thanks to my Mom and Amber's wisdom. Here's a bit of what Mom said ... " For now, my advice would be to give him over, emotionally even, to TC. Let them have him - don't consider him yours until they are done with him. Like he's a turkey in the oven, roasting. And you're not the chef with the basting and seasoning mixes, TC [Teen Challenge] is. You might glance in the oven once in a while but do not open that oven very often; you let the heat out. " And Amber told me that no matter what happens, I am not a fool to stay hopeful. So I am thinking today I will tell Ryan that even though we can see each other now, we still need to do our own things. Just be a support when needed. It is so hard for me to see him and not be a "wife" with a say on everything. Sometimes I am too strong-willed for my own good. Never wanting to be one who doesn't get to put her 2 cents in... And by sometimes, I mean all the time.

Got a puppy on Sunday - some sort of pug mix. She has been a blast. So far her name is Bettie Page Gomm. Today is her first day home alone with Chopper. She is probably whining just loud enough to annoy only the surrounding towns. She seemed very sad to see me go this morning.

Still don't know our plans for Christmas- but oddly I am okay with that. I think I am really coming to terms with how obsessively I try to control and plan things. Hmmm. I may be crazy.